Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
