this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
