today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
