There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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