I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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