I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
we made out on top of his cat.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
