Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Be still, my beating vagina.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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