I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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