shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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