People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
