I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
