eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Can I color on your dick again?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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