Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
