I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
