I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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