Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
