Only a mothe r could love this liver
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
