I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Define "chronic" masturbator.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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