shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
