She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
