people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
