Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
