I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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