Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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