Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
