i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
