Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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