i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
