The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
babies were throwing up all over the place
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
