Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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