Kiss
Puke
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
