We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
