If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Randomize
