Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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