i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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