She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
