So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
