Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she pinky promised me she was 18
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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