I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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