guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
