$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
