sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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