God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
