i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
