Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
