things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
