my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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