I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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