Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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