At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
