How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Soap is not a condiment
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
