Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
