I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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