Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
